Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I just want to make out with him forever
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
