I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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