Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
