Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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