Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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