I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
