im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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