I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
