I'm so fucking centered right now
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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