I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
