Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
