i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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