I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
