He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
