listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Let's get the cat blown out
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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