We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Success! We fucked roommates!
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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