dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
