I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
