I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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