adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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