There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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