You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
