He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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