At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
