Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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