Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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