Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
