i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
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