Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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