It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
