walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
