these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
