Cold hands, warm shart.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I have fence marks all over my body
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
