I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
