the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize