I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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