His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
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Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
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I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
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