This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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