walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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