so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
