Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
