I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
