Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
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Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
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That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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