took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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