I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
