I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
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I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
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I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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