Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
