'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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