I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Randomize
