You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Why can't burritos get me drunk
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
