i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I have grass duct taped all over my body
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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