And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
