what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
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What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
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sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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