he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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