i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
this hospital has no fireball
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
