I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
