Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
