plz talk dirty to me
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
