I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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