So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
