so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
