what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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