Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
