I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
