I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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