I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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