I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
