So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
