Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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