he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
