Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
