Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
