plz talk dirty to me
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
