I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
