Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
