therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize