Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
he shaved USA in his pubs
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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