as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
