i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
