how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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