You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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