I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
