so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize