I wanna bring you to show and tell
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
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