Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize