It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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